September 15, 2013

Dear Family and Friends,

Respect. This has been the unyielding theme
throughout my first week of classes and I have been trying to teach my close to
1,000 students the complex meaning of this seven letter word in a simplified
manner. As I continually tried to find a way of illustrating with my hands or
pictures this ever complex word, I realized the multiple layers of the
definition and I began to think of respect in terms of my own life. 

First, let me state that I am eternally grateful to my parents for
teaching me the meaning of respect. I am no angel. Let me promise you that.
There were many times that I disrespected others, but my parents had and still
do have the strength to discipline me. I got the back of my Momma’s hand many
times before the meaning of respect stuck in my mind as a child. My favorite
story from my childhood is when my brother had to string 3,000 tiny beads onto a
clear rope for being surly to my momma. He disrespected her, and my parents
would not stand for that, so for the upcoming weeks my brother beaded. He
learned very quickly that in the Butler household, surliness was not tolerated.
Now, I did not learn as quickly unfortunately, but my parents never relented in
teaching me the difference and the importance of treating others with respect. 

Unfortunately, many people in this world lack respect. I like to think
that many parents teach their children the basics of respect, like you can’t
steal from someone else or call them names, but in the end there are so many
more ways to be respectful than “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am”.  I
guess I began mulling over this idea of true respect in my head when I got to
China. It has always been a major pet peeve of mine when others treat strangers
like they are worthless because of their own choices in how they decide to live
their life. The stories are endless where people have called me stupid or
degraded me both at work, especially when I was a waitress, and in my own
personal life. A part of me started to believe what everyone else thought. 

Here in China, you are respected from the
start and will remain so as long as you deserve it. They respect you and your
choices without fail. They understand that your life is your own, and you are
the master of your own fate. They want to understand you and the ideology behind
those choices, but they will never question why you made the decisions in the
first place.

I feel that I better agree with the Chinese
philosophy on respecting others. Yesterday, I climbed to the temple on the
Hengshan Mountain, and people kept going up and handing beggars money. In
America, we shy away from homelessness and poverty because we automatically
think they have purposefully decided that fate. “Go get a job” we say. We
disagree with the choices they made and can’t understand them, so why should we
suffer and give away our money. During the strenuous climb up the mountain, I
witnessed true compassion and respect for another human beings life. These men
and women did not know the back story of who they were handing their money too,
but they understood that they needed it to survive. Without questioning their
livelihood, they gave. 

People in this world, and I have been both victim and perpetrator,
disrespect others for making decisions they do not agree with. If something is
important to another person or is a part of their lives, you must make a choice.
That choice must be to respect them and their decision or to turn and walk
away.

One thing I have witnessed and come to
understand, is that people can’t change people, only you can change yourself. I
decided to change. I did not like who I had become, so I made a choice. I like
who I am becoming. I feel myself coming alive again and I thank God everyday
for that. I get out of bed and do things that make me happy. I work out, cook,
clean (yes, Momma I clean), and take care of myself for the first time in a
very long time. I understand that it is hard to comprehend what I am doing and
why I am doing it, but I need you to respect me enough to know that what I’m
doing is right for me.

My life has changed. I am happy and I can
never go back to the way I lived my life a year ago. As I continued up the
mountain yesterday, my friend Becky looked at me and stated “you are so
outgoing”. In that one moment I realized that I once had been a very long time
ago. Before all the bullshit and sadness, yes I had been a very outgoing person,
and finally I am finding that person again. 

Now, like I said, I haven’t always been the
most respectful person, but for the one’s I have loved I have been there for
you. I know in my heart that if I love you, I have made you a priority in my
life. I might have made myself too available to you. I might have let you rely
on me too much, so when I left it seemed selfish, but I can’t apologize for
making myself a better and happier person. I won’t apologize for it anymore. So
I leave you with this; respect other people and their decisions and if you can’t
then turn around and walk away because in the end you can’t change a person and
I promise you can’t change me.


Love,
Eileen